Billy got the elbow
Susan wanted someone taller
Forlorn, forsworn, he went to sea
Became a bingo caller
Compered wet T shirt contests
Ran the karaoke machine
And yearned to fill the boiler room
With nitroglycerine
Looked wistfully for icebergs
On the Caribbean waves
From time to time nudged OAPs
To oceanic graves
If only he'd been taller
Or at least worn platform shoes
He could have stayed at home in Blighty
With his childhood sweetheart, Suze
Getting pissed and making babies
On the grubby eiderdown
In their fashionable shithole
In the heart of Chickentown
Instead he's swabbing vomit from the decks
For all eternity
Yes it's happy ever after
In the service industry.

Daisy wed a footballer
Who kicked her, tore her dress
He slept, she wept, fled to the skies
A long haul stewardess
Learned to flirt with businessmen
As she served their meals on wheels
And the Rank charm school deportment style
For turbulence in heels
Got her arse pinched daily
As she trolleyed down the aisle
Deflected lewd suggestions
With a fixed and glassy smile
Got the habit of responding
With polite but pointed snubs
To First Class insinuations
She should join the Mile High Club
Finally lost it with some leering twat
But he turned out to be gay...
And famously litigious...
And the chairman of BA
So she fucked off back to Beasley Street
Where they've got a Starbucks now
She's frothing cappuccinos
And bidding customers 'ciao'
On a zero hours contract
With a physics PhD
She’ll be happy ever after
In the service industry.

Amit worked in telesales
By night cruised leather bars
Sipping alcopops for courage
Sucking strangers off in cars
Thought there might be some percentage
From his twilight undertaking
Earn a few bob while swirling
In a cesspool of his own making
Put an advert on the internet
Saying he was willing to go down
For the price of a pack of Woodbines
And a pint of Newcy Brown
All work is prostitution, right?
And he'd do it anyway
Less demeaning than his other life
In a call centre all day
But he got lured to the canal side
By some thugs from the BNP
Spent the next month in a coma
In the Royal Infirmary
Makes slightly better money as a
Triple amputee
Happy ever fucking after
In the service industry...